Exorcising the Demon: Week 4

So.

Now that the chaos of the previous two weeks has largely abated and my life outside of writing and gaming has started to settle down for the most part, I’ve found myself once again in possession of enough free brain-power to start properly exorcising The Demon again. Although, thanks to a certain movie currently blowing up the box office, that exorcism took a pretty significant detour this last week.

This movie, as I’m sure you’ve been able to guess, was Wonder Woman.

I wasn’t expecting Wonder Woman to be good. After Batman v Superman and especially after Suicide Squad, I was expecting Wonder Woman to be yet another DC cinematic disaster.

It was not.

In fact, I will go on record as saying Wonder Woman is one of the best comic book movies ever made, and I think indisputably the most important one.

Let me explain.

I’ve seen Wonder Woman twice now, and as I was watching that epic “No Man’s Land” sequence the second time, I felt something just click inside of me. As I was watching Diana kick and flip and beat down foe after foe, I realized that as a guy, I’ve been having superheroes tell me throughout my entire life that I too could do things like that. That I too could fight just as hard and just as fiercely as they did. All I had to do was just set my mind to it and not let the odds, however impossible they may seem, get to me. For twenty-seven years, I’ve been having superheroes tell me this, and it’s been such a constant, ever-present influence in my life that I legitimately cannot imagine who or what I would’ve become if I hadn’t had it

And then I realized that if I’d been born a girl, I wouldn’t have.

I wouldn’t have had Spider-Man or Batman or Wolverine. Not at all in the same way that I do now. I wouldn’t have been able to look up to them and aspire to be like them in at all the same way that I have. If I had been born female, I would’ve spent my entire life watching my heroes like Batgirl, Black Widow, Jean Grey, and Scarlet Witch still play second or even third-fiddle to the titans of popularity like Batman, Superman, or Spider-Man, despite their own incredible power and skill.

And yet now, finally, here comes Wonder Woman. A literal God-killer in terms of her power level, who plays second or third fiddle to absolutely no one, who kicks more ass and takes more names than anyone else around her, and yet she doesn’t have to sacrifice an ounce of her warmth, beauty, or femininity to do so! After twenty-seven years, if I had been born a girl, I’d finally have a superhero that I could truly and proudly call my own!

As I was watching Wonder Woman fight her way through No Man’s Land and all these thoughts were falling into place in my head, I realized that they weren’t just thoughts, they were the actual lived experiences of women and girls all over the world.

That hit me. Hard.

Hard enough that it brought me to the very brink of tears, and made me realize that as hard as I’ve tried to make my female lead in The Demon a Wonder Woman in her own right, I can still do better. For all the strength, skill, and power I’ve given her, I’ve still allowed Ice to fall into the same kinds of narrative traps that so many other women and girls in fiction fall into.

I can’t accept that. Not anymore. Not now that we live in a world where Wonder Woman exists as a blockbuster motion picture and has shown us all just how far behind the curve we really were.

So for the last week, instead of continuing to finalize The Demon’s backstory, I’ve been going over The Demon itself, identifying as many of the problem spots in Ice’s story as I can, and then fixing or subverting them wherever possible. Because as much as I want Fire (the male lead) to be an example for young boys to look up to, I also want Ice to be the same for young girls.

And until I get her to that point, the backstory for The Demon is gonna have to wait.

Catch you all next week.

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A Different Kind of Exorcism

Last Sunday, I made a choice.

Last Sunday, I made a choice that I can still hear the people in my life telling me was the wrong choice. That it was the stupid choice, the reckless and irresponsible choice, and I know that their reasons for saying so are valid.

I also know that I made the right choice for me.

Last Sunday, I put in my two weeks notice at work.

I made this choice for a variety of reasons, but I suppose the simplest way to explain those reasons is this: If it meant that I would make enough money that I could afford to move out of my mother’s house, back into an apartment of my own, and support myself going forward, I would happily sacrifice both my writing and my streaming. If it meant finally becoming truly financially independent, I would give up on my dream of making a living as TheGamingAuthor with barely a second thought.

But I wasn’t making enough money, and I found myself still having to sacrifice both my streaming and my writing for it.

As you can probably imagine, I found that trade to be… less than ideal.

So I put my notice in.

I made the choice that was right for me while it was still a choice I was able to make.

Because here’s the thing: I know who I am, I know what I want, and I know what I have to do to get what I want. And if the day ever comes where I have to put down my quills and controllers, then I have to know that I’ve already tried as hard as I can to succeed with them, and have failed anyway. Perhaps that’s an overly fatalistic view of the world to take, but it’s one that’s allowed me to drive myself as hard and as far forward as I’ve already come.

On the bright side of things, working this job for the last nine months like I have been has shown me just how far I really can push myself if and when the situation calls for it. It’s shown me just how much work I can really get done in “X” amount of time. It’s taught me how valuable time really is, and how much more efficiently I can utilize it now that I appreciate its value.

It’s given me more confidence and faith than I’ve ever had before that I really can pull this off, and make this dream of mine a reality.

And you know what? Even if I do fail and this dream I have never comes true, thanks to the last nine months of having this job, I now know that I’ll still be able to make something fun and enjoyable out of my life.

So that’s all I’ve really got for you all this week. No real progress to speak of on the writing front. Largely because I’ve spent most of this last week too stressed out to even think about it, but that’ll all change for me very soon. I’ve still got two more weeks of work to do at my job, and then following that I’ll probably take an extra week to *finally* kick back, relax, and catch up on all the other Life-related things I’ve missed out on over the last several months.

So when that all wraps up, I’ll see you all right back here again.